Rant: On

Disclaimer: If you don't want to hear something somewhat negative, or just plain don't care, then stop reading riighht aboutttt...NOW.  If your reply may be something like "tough shit, deal with it." then stop reading right about now too...or you can try it and get a nice big F-U ...but thats not nice now is it?

So i've come to the conclusion that the vast majority of my "friends" just plain suck ass.  We've all had the type of friend that is great when everything is going along as it should be...but the instant you feel like ass they disappear until the next time they need/want something or they're feeling like crap.  So what do you do when you realize that almost everyone you know is like that?  When the instant you become depressed everyone pretty much takes to the hills and tries to wait it out?  I tend to wonder if anyone knows how it feels to feel depressed to the point you can't even work right anymore, then having no one who gives enough of a shit to actually take some time to show they care and listen?

Now, as a person that does go out of the way to listen and try to be there for people, I realize that not many people out there want to hear this kinda stuff in their free time.  Sure, I can relate to that, and all this time i've just been putting it aside, telling myself that it's selfish to expect people to go a little extra out of their way like that...but seriously...fuck that concept and the horse it rode in on.  Even though I want to say enough of this self-sacrificing try-to-be-a-good-friend bullshit...I know i'll still just end up doing it anyway...because thats just the way I am.  So be it, i can deal with that no prob.  I do NOT expect a reward, nor even like treatment even if I go out of the way to be a good friend to someone, but in the overall picture of things...ffs...is it too much to ask?

The number of people who've actually taken the time to get to know me past what I show on the surface can be counted on one hand, and I wouldn't even need all my fingers.  To those very very few people that realize I smile all the time not because im happy, but for the happiness of others...I thank you from the bottom of my heart and I miss you like you'll never know...to everyone else...well I suppose all you'll see is me smiling and joking around like you usually do...so it really doesn't matter to you at all now does it?  But hey, i'm still here for you guys anyway, because I feel that its the right thing to do.  I know the feeling of being alone and misunderstood, but i refuse to be bitter and jaded about it, so if I can do my little unappreciated part for someone so they don't need to go through that I still shall. 

That's enough of sharing whats in my head from me...so...

Rant: Off

Smile/Nod mode: On

Currently Reading Blood and Gold (Vampire Chronicles) By Anne Rice see related

Woohoo! Its my once-every-6-month update!  (Mostly attributed to the fact that i'm talking to Jully atm...she must be rubbing off)  Sooo...let's see...where to begin?! 

Bad news first!  Walking down the street to pick up food has never hurt so freakin much before. >_<  If youve never hurt your back before...i don't recommend it much.  Every time the level of the sidewalk changes and your weight shifts it feels like your spine is about to go *crack* and you get the shivers because your whole body stops to go "wtf m8?!"  But ah...hopefully it gets a lil better before tomorrow since I have to go back to work! Fun! 

Good news! Hmm...good news...I just had a pretty interesting laugh at this ultra-emo girl that goes to my school.  (Not a mean type of laugh...but you know...more of a...semi-pity-semi-amused type of laugh)  Emo kids crack me up to no end!  I never would've thought that being a contradictory whining lil *beep* would actually be considered a sub-culture.  But ah...I didnt mean that to be as...spiteful as it may have sounded.  To be honest, they don't really bug me too much at all since they're too busy absorbed in themselves to cause me much grief...but goodness are they sure fun to observe sometimes!

Hopefully this backache goes away asap so I can actually clean this wreck I call an apartment...having a playful cat and not being able to clean up for several days = o dear

Lets see if I can actually keep updating this for once...until next time!

Now for another session of cheesy, yet relevant song lyrics!  Dont laugh at where the song is from...its a nice damn song =p

Josie and the Pussycats: You Don't Need Me

this is the place where i sit
this is the part where i love you too much
is this as hard as it gets?
cause im getting tired of pretending im tough
I'm here if you want me
I'm yours, you can hold me
Im empty, im taken
Im dumb but im blaking

Cause you dont see me
and you dont need me
and you dont love me
the way i wish you would
the way i know you could

I dream a world where you understand
and I dream a million sleepless nights
I dream of fire when you're touching my hand
But it twists into smoke when i turn on the light

im speechless and faded
it's too complicated
is this how the book ends -
nothing but good friends?

Cause you dont see me
and you dont need me
and you dont love me
the way i wish you would
the way i wish you would, ooh

this is the place in my heart
this is the place where i'm falling apart
isnt this just where we met?
and is this the last chance that i'll ever get?
I wish i was lonely
instead of just "only"
crystal and see-through and not enough to you

Cause you dont see me
and you dont need me
and you dont love me
the way i wish you would

Cause you dont see me
and you dont need me
and you dont love me
the way i wish you would
the way i know you could